The King of the Castle and his Princess in West Oakland

There’s no way I could have imagined how meaningful fatherhood would be. Before marriage and fatherhood, I believed I was ready for the experience of being a husband and father, but exactly what that entailed was still a mystery.  Now, after four years of fatherhood, “Family Man Randy” is nearly unrecognizable from the Old Randy. No longer am I the go-to guy for all things fun, with a 24-hour open door policy, as I was in my early 20’s.  Nor am I the artist, businessperson, community activist and social fixture, in perpetual motion, as I was in my mid 30’s.  Now I have evolved into a responsible, dedicated, wannabe-cool, 40+-year-old Dad, trying to provide my daughter with the best childhood available. Now, I am pursuing a positive trajectory of progress for three people: to support my wife in her career, to educate and nurture my daughter, Daria, and to become fulfilled, productive and successful in every area of my life. This is a tall order, but one which I relish.

Fatherhood has created some new challenges for me, yet at the same time, it has eliminated others. The pressure of being a strong provider is very real, but on the other hand, it has eliminated the liberty of worry. Managing my schedule has become more complicated, but at the same time, decision-making has become simple, because Daria always comes first. In many ways Daria is a smaller version of my wife, but now, with two times the love to give and to receive, any existential questions I may have had about my purpose in life have long since been answered.

Because I was raised at socials, receptions, political events and cultural gatherings, Daria is getting the same kind of exposure.  Early on, I remember carrying her in a backpack while I walked precincts or attended election events. Later, when she first started walking, I taught her how to glad-hand as we worked the room.  It was hilarious to see that tiny hand stick out when she met people.  “Glad to meet you.”  Nowadays, when I appear at a function where my daughter is not present, the first questions I get are, “Where’s Daria? How’s the little lady? Where’s the latest picture?”  When she accompanies me these days, I am coming to realize that my personal stock has dropped dramatically in favor of my daughter. People regularly rush past me trying to get to Daria.  They say, “She looks just like her mother!”  You’d swear I wasn’t even part of the equation.  I’m just her Dad – and it’s wonderful.

Randolph and Daria

So I am taking some sage advice and enjoying the fun part of fatherhood while it lasts.  Every day brings new milestones, which I try to savor.  Just this weekend, Daria got up and dressed herself without prodding or assistance and without looking like the circus was coming to town.  One evening, after picking her up from pre-school, I brought her to a reception at City Hall.  When asked if she wanted a name tag, she picked up the pen and scribbled her own name! What a proud moment for both of us!  Then, last week, we had an inspired bedtime negotiation that included a detailed rationale for her argument over snacks and treats.  While she didn’t prevail in that instance, I was amazed at her advanced communication and deliberation skills. When did that happen?

Any Daddy-Daria time is a great time.  She is my inspiration and antidote for life’s challenges. Whether we’re running routine errands, attending a special event, riding our bikes, or doing a parent-child art project at the Museum of Children’s Art, every moment is precious.  So if you see me around town with my sub-four-foot sidekick, you’ll know why I’m having such a wonderful day.

These are some of the special spots in Oakland where Randolph Belle has fun with his four-year-old daughter Daria:

• Museum of Children’s Art (MOCHA)
• Lakeshore Farmer’s Market
• Play Café